


Chrysanthemum

by jeongyeonasaur



Category: TWICE - Fandom
Genre: F/F, jeongmi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-20 09:26:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17619836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeongyeonasaur/pseuds/jeongyeonasaur
Summary: Jeongyeon meets Mina. And her world blooms.





	Chrysanthemum

**Author's Note:**

> Hehe I’m sorry I took so long. :)

Chrysanthemum

For as long as she can remember, Jeongyeon has been alone. Not lonely, but alone. She likes it that way. For her, attachments are merely strongholds that will ruin someone emotionally. And Jeongyeon doesn’t like that. She won’t give anyone the chance to ruin her. So she keeps everything at arms length. The last girl she messed with told her that she should fuck herself because she’s clearly a cold hearted snake. Jeongyeon shrugged it off and looked for another girl to toy with.

It became a cycle. Until one night, Jeongyeon got bored inside the bar and went to the nearest cafe. Cliché as it may seem, she found a girl with tons of papers scattered on the table. She proceeds to the counter and buys two coffees, wishing the girl likes latte.

“Here, you might need this,” she tells the girl. Round eyes meets hers. Jeongyeon is amazed by how beautiful the girl is. Although her heart didn’t skip a beat like what she wants to happen. Maybe the girl is like all the other girls she met before. Just a girl.

“You are?” the girl asks. Jeongyeon shrugs and sits across girl.

“Studying?” she responds. The girl tilts her head, judging if she is harmless or not. Jeongyeon chuckles, “I won’t bite. Chill.”

The girl sighs, leaning on her chair and crossing her legs, “What you do want?”

Jeongyeon thinks. What does she want, really? She doesn’t even know, “I’m not sure. Just someone to talk to, maybe?”

“Well I don’t have time to talk with anyone. See these? All these cases? I barely have time to breathe,” the girl tells her. Jeongyeon feels a smile on her lips. It’s been a while since someone had the guts to actually tell her no. Well, no one had ever said no to her.

“Yoo Jeongyeon,” she holds out her hand.

The girl sighs but takes it, “Mina. Myoui Mina.”

“So, what are these papers all about?” she grabs a paper and reads it, “Homicide vs Murder. Ahh, law student, huh?”

“Pretty much,” Mina grabs her glasses from the table and a bundle of paper. “I appreciate the coffee, really, but I have to read and solve this mystery.”

Jeongyeon, ever so curious, stands and sits beside Mina, reading the case with her, “Ahh, the murder of Doctor Angela. It’s pretty obvious that the killer is her adopted child.”

Mina looks at her with wide eyes, “What? The child is not even part of the suspect list.”

“Suspects are merely suspicious people who can possibly do it. But there are no proofs given. But if you think about it, the director of the hospital can’t possibly lose Doctor Angela because she’s a prized doctor. Angela’s fiancé won’t get anything from killing her because they aren’t married yet. The papers for conjugal properties aren’t even signed. The secretary is a possible killer because of her relationship with the fiancé but she can’t do it before the wedding because again, all the properties will still be left with Angela. Thus, the best suitable killer is her adoptive child, Angel. Legally, she’ll be able to inherit every belonging Angela possessed. Without the fiancé’s power since they haven’t gotten married,” Jeongyeon explains. Mina’s lips parts, amazed by how the girl made sense.

“Are you a law student?” the girl shakes her head. “How?”

“I read a lot,” Jeongyeon sips her coffee and looks at the other cases, “Need help with the rest?”

Throughout the night, Mina accepts Jeongyeon’s help in figuring out the cases. Their ideas clash with each other but they always come with a solution. It was natural. Jeongyeon finds herself enjoying the company of the girl. Mina, in simple words, is a breath of fresh air for her.

“I said that it should be the other girl, not this man,” Mina argues, insisting that the culprit of a case is the girl.

Jeong nods, “Fine. Why is she the culprit then?”

“Because she’s broke,” Mina answers confidently.

“She may be broke but she has no accesses in any confidential records of the bank,” Jeongyeon takes a paper and draws a diagram. “This is the man, he knows and has all access in every information because he is the IT of the company. He knew about the pending salary loan of the woman which is why he used the woman’s account to transfer the dirty money. It’s a scheme. It just so happen that the woman was confused so she asked the authorities.”

With a frustrated sigh, Mina says, “You know what, attend my classes. I give up. You become the lawyer. I’m not for this.”

Jeongyeon chuckles and pats her shoulder, “You gotta think harder and outside the case. If you wanna solve the mystery, think of yourself as the criminal. Be the criminal to find the criminal.”

By the time four am arrived, Mina is on her fifth coffee and Jeongyeon is just playing on her phone, “What are you doing?”

The taller girl looks at her, “Killing time.”

“You can go home, you know,” Mina says.

Jeongyeon shakes her head, “And leave you here with those boys looking at you? Nah, I’ll stay here.”

“I have a car. They won’t be able to touch me,” she explains.

“I’ll walk you to your car and make sure they won’t follow you then,” Jeongyeon helps her carry the papers and her bag. Mina smiles, appreciating Jeongyeon’s care.

~

The night Jeongyeon met Mina somehow marked the day she stopped playing with girls. She finds herself talking, texting, messaging, Mina. It came out natural. Jeongyeon and Mina normally talk until the morning comes. She’d listen to Mina’s rants as Mina listens to hers. Her friends keep asking why she’s been ditching weekend parties and Friday night outs. Jeongyeon just shrugs and tells them that she’s got other important things to do.

Important things to do as in keep Mina company while the girl loses her mind in Law School.

She finds joy in that. When Mina suddenly disappears, leaving her hanging because an exam suddenly appears, Jeongyeon understands. She even messages the girl good luck. If Mina suddenly falls asleep because of too much fatigue, she’d say good night. Although they haven’t met since. They just message each other.

Until one day, Jihyo confronts her, “You’re in love.”

Jeongyeon laughs, “What?!” she puts down her phone and looks at her friend, “What now?”

“You.. I don’t know. You seem different,” Jihyo sits and massages her temple. “You keep looking at your phone, smiling when a notification appears, giggling when reading a message. That ain’t you.”

She nods, “I just made a friend, Hyo. Nothing new.”

“We’ve been friends for years. That ‘friend’ is not what a friend is to you,” Jihyo glares.

With a defeated sigh, Jeongyeon raises her hands, “Fine. Maybe I have a tiny crush on her. It’s not my fault that she’s smart and she can actually come at par with my ideas.”

“How long?”

“Uhm.. we met two months ago?” Jihyo hits her head.

“Two months and you haven’t told me?!” she frowns at the loudness of her best friend’s voice. “What? Are you gonna hide her forever?!”

“Geez, not like she’s my girlfriend, Ji. Chill,” she chuckles nervously. “I met her randomly. I just find her cute because she challenges my brain. I love a challenge.”

“What’s her name?” Jihyo asks. Jeongyeon bites her lip, she doesn’t want to stalk Mina, “Yoo Jeongyeon!”

“Mina! Myoui Mina!” she concedes. Jihyo grabs her phone and searches.

“Damn. She’s a dancer?!”

“I don’t know,” she answers. “All I know is she’s a law student. Plus she’s smart, funny, and witty,” a smile ghosts on her lips.

“You’re in deep shit, Yoo Jeongyeon,” she shakes her head. “What? The last time you praised someone like that was when you were talking about Sunmi-unnie. And we all know you two had a thing. Too bad she left.”

“First, we don’t mention Sunmi. Second, Mina is just a friend. She’ll remain as a friend,” she dismisses Jihyo and leaves.

Her phone beeps.

**From: Mina :)**   
**Class just ended! Can’t wait to eat :(**

Jeongyeon smiles to herself.

**To: Mina :)**   
**Congrats on surviving! Eat well and get some rest. :))**

Yep. Mina is just a friend. Mina should remain as a friend.

~

For some unknown reason, Jeongyeon can’t seem to grasp the idea of keeping Mina as a friend. No. She can’t. Which is why she’s banging her head on the desk. Yes, she’s still in college. A senior, to be exact.

“What the hell’s your problem?” Jihyo enters the reserved room.

“Mina,” she whines. “God, why is she not replying? Did I do something wrong? What if she’s mad?”

“Can’t it be that she’s busy? She’s a law student, Jeong. You can’t expect her to reply asap. Besides, aren’t you busy too? Last week of being a student for us.”

“I know. I just,” she covers her face. “I’m doomed.”

“Can’t say I told you so,” Jihyo shrugs.

“And to think I don’t even spend time with her,” Jeongyeon says to herself.

“Bitch,” Jihyo throws a pen. “Not spend time my ass. You two practically talk twenty-four seven! And now she haven’t messaged in a week and you’re already losing your mind. Just admit it, you like her.”

“I never said I didn’t, did I?” Jeongyeon retorts before escaping the room, leaving Jihyo shouting.

Yes, she likes Mina. A tiny crush wouldn’t hurt. Especially since Mina understands her so much more than anyone else. Those post midnight thoughts she’s so scared of, Mina knows. The nightmares that haunts her in her sleep, Mina is aware. It’s always easy with Mina. No matter how insane that sounds. Mina, the insane, funny, quick witted, law student, keeps her sane. She never expected it. It’s just... natural.

She never told anyone about the nightmares but with Mina, one question was all it took. And Mina, being the gentle lady that she is, talks to Jeongyeon until she calms down. Jeongyeon doesn’t even know when it started. She can’t remember the day she admitted that she likes Mina. It just happened. And believe her when she says that she tried with all her might to not like the girl. She hates having feelings. She hates getting fucked up by people she cares so much. She hates it when she expects.

But no, she just had to like the girl who happens to be the only one who can match up with her weird wired brain. And so just like breathing, she naturally accepts the fact that maybe she likes Mina. A little more than she should.

She finds herself inside the room again. This time with some other friends, “So, Jeong, when are you gonna introduce your new girl.”

Jeongyeon laughs, “I have no new girl.”

“Don’t joke. Which one? The girl who asked for your number? Or the junior who keeps giving you cupcakes?”

“Maybe it’s the girl who she met online. The one in Europe,” another friend teases.

“None,” she checks her phone, waiting for Mina. “I have no side girl right now. I don’t think I’ll have one soon.”

“Are you sick?” a friend chimes. She shakes her head, disappointed that Mina didn’t text the whole day.

“No. Just a little tired,” she grabs her bag. “Can I go home?”

“We need to wait for our prof,” someone answers. She groans and sits again, casually stealing a look on her phone.

“You know what? Whatever. If she doesn’t message then don’t. I have other things to do anyway,” she bursts. Her friends all look at her as if she grew another head.

Just then, her phone beeps, she immediately grabs it and sees Mina’s message.

**From: Mina :)**   
**I think I survived hell week. Sorry for not messaging :(**

She grins.

**To: Mina :)**   
**It’s okay. Have you eaten?**

“And here she said that she doesn’t have a girl,” a friend tells.

“I don’t,” she answers, still talking to Mina with a smile on her face. “She’s not my girl.” although Jeongyeon wishes she is.

That night, Jeongyeon falls asleep while her messages are open. Pretty much because she was waiting for Mina to reply.

~

Time flies fast when someone is enjoying. Jeongyeon is about to start working. And yes, she’s still pretty much in like with Mina. She wouldn’t say love because it’s too early. But she likes talking to the girl. Her day is pretty much complete if Mina messages her.

But one thing about Jeongyeon is that recently, she’s been sick. Too much stress from work, obviously. Mina’s been MIA on her because the girl’s in the middle of law school hell so she understands.

One night, after work, Mina messages her.

**From: Mina :)**   
**I’m tired lol**

**To: Mina :)**   
**Pick me up. I’m tired too.**

Jeongyeon chuckles with her joke. She knows Mina is busy and probably in need of rest.

**From: Mina :)**   
**Where?**

She panics.

**From: Mina :)**   
**Don’t seen me.**   
**Where?**

**To: Mina :)**   
**Are you serious?**

**From: Mina :)**   
**Can you wait around an hour? Traffic.**

**To: Mina :)**   
**I won’t be out till then.**

**From: Mina :)**   
**See you. :)**

A smile creeps on her. She feels the warm feeling all over her body. She’s pretty sure she’s blushing. She messages their group chat.

**yoojeong: ATTY’S PICKING ME UP. I’M SHAKING.**

**hyoster: I THOUGHT YOU TWO HAVEN’T TALKED IN TWO WEEKS?**

**yoojeong: idc. I’m seeing atty :(( I’m happy**

**dubudab: where’d that ‘move on’ go?**

**dubudab: you owe us pizza. Jeong’s gonna get herself a girlfriend!**

**yoojeong: lol no. She’s not gonna be my girlfriend**

**hyoster: but you’d like that, don’t you?**

**yoojeong: a concept. :)**

Jeongyeon goes to the nearest mall to buy at least a snack for Mina. Her heart throbbing fast inside her chest. She buys a sandwich and waits for Mina to arrive. When the girl messages her, she half runs towards the vehicle.

She gets inside and looks at Mina. She hides a smile and tells a joke. Mina complains but laughs, “You’re so corny.”

“But it makes you laugh anyway,” she wants to tell Mina she misses her. But she won’t. Just so it won’t get awkward between them.

“So, where to?” Mina asks. Jeongyeon gives the snack she bought, “You didn’t have to. But thanks.”

“Just drop me off the nearest bus stop,” she answers.

“Will that be close to your house?” she shakes her head. “Then why not drop you off your house then?”

“It’s far!” she whines. Mina rolls her eyes playfully and throws her phone on Jeongyeon’s lap.

“Put your address. I’m dropping you home,” Jeongyeon’s about to protest when Mina gives her a dead look. She keeps her mouth shut and puts in her address.

“It’s a long drive, I’m warning you,” she mumbles.

Mina shrugs and puts her playlist, “I’m here anyway. Besides, you’ll keep me company.”

Jeongyeon’s heart skips a beat. She doesn’t like a bit of what she’s feeling. But she can’t control the rapid beating of her heart. Stupid Mina.

As a result, Mina keeps laughing because Jeongyeon hates awkward silences. And to add, she likes hearing Mina’s voice. The sweet, soft voice of the girl. And when she laughs, damn, Jeongyeon can already imagine wanting to make her laugh for as long as she can.

“So,” Jeongyeon trails off, “How’s your heart?”

Mina keeps quiet for a while before answering, “I guess it’s okay.”

“Mina, you won’t be able to move on if you don’t even want to move on,” Jeongyeon tells. She swallows her own words. Tough words for someone who likes without any idea if she’ll be liked back. With much difficulty, Jeongyeon fights back a cough.

“We met the other week,” Mina begins. Jeongyeon listens attentively, thinking about the mess she just got herself into.

Because if there is one thing that is stopping Jeongyeon from liking Mina completely is that the girl’s in love. Very much in love with someone else. She mentally slaps herself every time she fails to stop herself from liking Mina an inch more. So in short, she slaps herself everyday.

“And?” she stares on the road, afraid that if she looks at Mina, the girl will decipher her deepest fears.

“Nothing. We didn’t talk. Expected.”

“She doesn’t deserve you,” Jeongyeon utters. Mina laughs and shakes her head, “I’m serious. She’s lucky you like her. She’s missing out a great chance to be happy.”

“Thanks, Jeong,” the girl replies. Jeongyeon grins, “What?”

“You free next Friday? I’ll get my paycheck. Dinner, my treat,” she asks. As much as she wants to date Mina, she’d rather make her happy first. Forget about the girl she loves, as long as Mina’s laughing, Jeongyeon’s okay with that.

They arrive in front of Jeongyeon’s house and to her surprise, her big sister is outside. Jeongyeon steps out of the car, “Roll your window down. My sister,” she points.

Jeongyeon greets her sister and motions to the car where Mina is smiling shyly, “Unnie, this is Mina. A friend. Mina, meet Seungyeon-unnie.”

With a shy bow, Mina greets, “Good evening.”

Seungyeon smiles, “Good evening too.“

Jeong tells her sister to go inside. She turns to Mina who was still smiling shyly, “Hey.”

Mina chuckles, “I’ll go ahead, Jeong.”

“Yeah. Text me when you get home. Thanks for driving me home,” Mina nods and revs the engine. “And Mina..”

“Hmm?”

“Be careful. See you next Friday,” Jeongyeon says.

“See you next Friday,” Mina replies with a smile.

Jeongyeon gets inside their house and her sister is already waiting, “How’d you meet her?”

“A friend who’s studying law. When I was inquiring, I met her,” she deadpan lies. She can’t tell her sister that she approached Mina one night and they’ve been friends since. Her sister will skin her alive.

~

As usual, Jeongyeon and Mina does not talk for a week. Jeong has grown used to it. She knows Mina’s busy with school and she doesn’t like distracting the girl, knowing that the girl is probably losing her mind and sleep.

But on the brighter side, Jeongyeon looks forward for the dinner that they will be having. So Friday morning, Jeongyeon goes to work with a cheery mood. She greets every senior she can see, bows to everyone. She’s in a good mood, excited for the dinner. A week without talking to Mina is okay because she’ll be able to talk to the girl when the day ends. She’s okay with it. She doesn’t need twenty-four seven communication. She likes missing Mina’s presence. She just hopes that Mina somehow misses her too. Even just a bit.

Before lunch, she receives a message from the person she’s been itching to talk to. Jeongyeon smiles and opens the message, only to be in a bad mood.

**From: Mina :)**   
**Can’t make it tonight.**

Jeongyeon sighs and locks her phone again. She takes her handkerchief and coughs. She focuses on work, bursting on every client she talks to. When a problem about her paycheck gets a little out of hand, she snaps and argues with the HR department. She can’t seem to stop her bad mood from spreading. She needs a release and so she shouts at the clients and the HR personnels.

Around four, she sighs and covers her face, “Damn it.” Jeongyeon hates last minute cancellations. She could have accepted it without any hard feelings if Mina had told her a day ahead. Not eight hours before they meet. Frustration builds up and she finds herself tearing up. But she can’t be mad. She doesn’t get mad. She’s just hurt that Mina didn’t talk to her for days and then her first words were those. But of course, Jeongyeon replies.

To: Mina :)  
Dinner :(

She messages another friend, asks her to have dinner because Jeongyeon is programmed to have a delicious meal after a stressful day. When her friend accepts, she goes to the meeting place and meets with her friend.

“Sana,” she greets. Sana smiles and gives her a hug.

“You look like shit,” Sana tells her. Jeongyeon shrugs and orders food, “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” she replies.

“Nothing but you’re murdering the poor meat. Stop it. What’s bothering you, Jeongyeon?” right, Sana can read her like an open book. How can she not? They dated way back before Jeongyeon entered college. Sana’s the reason why Jeongyeon realized she’s gay.

Her phone beeps.

**From: Mina :)**   
**I’m sorry :( I’m just too busy. We’ll be doing an outreach tomorrow morning so I can’t leave the area.**

**To: Mina :)**   
**It’s okay. Next time then. Take care! :)**

“There’s this girl,” she confesses.

“There’s always that one girl,” Sana laughs. “Go on. I’m listening.”

She tells Sana about Mina. The girl merely listens, chirping in some questions every once in a while. When she was done, Jeongyeon feels a weight lifted from her.

“That serious, huh?” she looks at Sana with wide eyes. “What? Jeong, we broke up years ago but I know when you’re serious. You weren’t even like that with Sunmi. Nor Bona. You just like her.”

“Wish I didn’t,” she whispers.

“Why?”

“She’s in love with her friend. The friend who keeps making her feel like shit. Doesn’t she realize that she’s way more than that? She deserves all the attention she thinks she doesn’t and won’t get. I just,” she runs her fingers through her hair.

“Just?”

“I just wish I can give her that, you know?” she chuckles bitterly. “I’ve never wanted someone so badly. You know me, Sana. If I want something, I get it. I want someone, I get her. Not unless I get bored. Heck, I don’t even blink when I go from one girl to another. When Sunmi left, I was sad but that didn’t stop me from living. I broke three girls’ heart in five months. I don’t give my heart away, Sana. How can one girl get mine without even realizing it?” she rants.

Sana leans back and drinks, “Are you saying you love Mina?”

“What? No!”

“Then why do you sound like you pray for her every night?” Jeongyeon stops eating. She never prays. She rarely prayed. But for the past months, she’s been praying that Mina gets over the girl she likes so Jeongyeon can have her. She prays every night for her to have Mina.

“Damn,” she puts her head down as Sana laughs.

“You love Mina.”

“Fuck,” she feels hot tears threatening to fall as she covers her mouth to fight another wave of coughs. Her chest in deep pain as she accepts the reality that her doom is near. “I love Mina.”

~

Days without Mina turns into weeks. Jeongyeon keeps reminding herself that it’s okay. That it’s not her fault neither Mina’s. But honestly, she blames herself. If she didn’t have stupid feelings for the girl, then she wouldn’t be acting like this. How she wishes she can press a reset button and just delete the feelings that had grown inside her.

“You look like shit,” Jihyo tells her that night she decides to sleep over.

“You smell like one,” she retorts. Her best friend smacks her and places the beer on the table.

“I said we’d sleep but looks like you need a drink. Are these bottles enough?”

Jeongyeon rolls her eyes, “When was beer ever enough?” she grabs a bottle and opens, drinking without hesitation.

“What’s up?” Jihyo asks, drinking from her own bottle.

“Nothing much. Just missed your house,” her best friend snorts and raises an eyebrow. “Fine. Mina. Happy now?”

“Very,” Jihyo smirks. “Aren’t you two dating?”

“You think I’d be drinking here if we were?” she answers bitterly. “If Mina was mine, I’d be pampering her until her stress goes away.”

“What happened to ‘I won’t be dating anyone cuz they ain’t worth it’, Jeong?”

She empties the bottle, “Mina fucking happened. That’s what.”

“Alright, give me your phone. I don’t want you drunk calling someone again,” Jihyo grabs her phone and hides it.

“Not like I’m gonna call her, Hyo. But whatever. She’s probably moping about her best friend or buried in piles of readings,” she sighs. “I need someone else.”

“No. You need to chill. You’re thinking about this too much,” Jihyo gives her a box of fruit loops. “Mom bought that because she knew you’d be here. I sometimes wonder if I’m really her child or you.”

Jeongyeon grins but it immediately falls to a grim. “Pass me another bottle,” she tells her best friend.

Without much words, Jihyo opens another bottle and gives it to Jeong, “How did you realize you love her already?”

“I didn’t until Sana talked to me about it. I was shocked too. I never realized that my tiny crush on her turned into something else. I would have stopped it if I had known,” she drinks some beer and frowns. “It just happened, you know? It’s different compared with Bona. Compared with Chomi. I knew I was falling then. But I didn’t fall this hard. With Mina.. it was so natural. It’s like breathing.”

“I wish I could help,” Jihyo says in a whisper.

“I wish I could help myself too,” she chuckles bitterly, playing with the bottle between her fingers. “I just wish I could make her happy, you know? I wouldn’t care if she didn’t have time for me the whole week. I just... wish I could hear her voice more.”

“You do know that there are other girls, right?”

She nods, “Of course. But they aren’t Mina, Jihyo.” Jeongyeon empties the bottle and looks at her best friend, “They aren’t Mina. And even if I can’t have Mina, I’d still want her.”

~

On a random day, Jeongyeon plays around with a girl named Tzuyu. Just when they were about to make a deal of doing things beyond what friendship can offer, Jeongyeon backs out.

“Why?” Tzuyu asks, completely calm.

She shakes her head, “I can’t do it with someone I don’t love. And I’m very much in love with someone else.” It felt good to admit it out loud. To say it freely even though the girl she loves isn’t aware of her feelings.

Speaking of, “I gotta go, Tzuyu. I wanna sleep.” Jeongyeon rushes home and gets in her room. She checks Mina’s profile and sees that the girl is online. Her smile fades when she realizes that even if Mina’s online, she doesn’t remember Jeong.

It’s okay. Not like she likes me or anything.

The same night, a few friends were online and talking in their group chat.

**hyoster: wru, yoo?**

**yoojeong: home. y?**

**dubudab: if i succeed in drinking 7shots of tequila straight, we do a bet**

**yoojeong: no**

**hyoster: jeong messages mina that she misses her**

**dubudab: bet!**

**yoojeong: don’t i get a say on this?**

**dubudab: nope**

**dubudab: brb. taking these shots**

**yoojeong: she barely survives 3. how can she survive 7. I’ll win this**

**hyoster: nah ya won’t.**

Jeongyeon rolls her eyes and opens up another application, waiting for Mina again to message. But of course, she won’t. It’s the hardest part of loving someone in love with someone else. They can’t see how you look at them.

A few minutes later, a notification appears.

**dubudab: 7shots down. ya better screenshot your message.**

Jeongyeon sighs and sends a middle finger in their group chat. But she never backs down any bet. She lost so she’ll concede.

**To: Mina :)**   
**Hey loser, I miss you 🤙🏻**

She screenshots it and sends it to her friends.

**yoojeong: if she ignores me and I’m hurt, y’all owe me movies and food.**

**hyoster: deal**

**dubudab: 🤙🏻🤙🏻🤙🏻**

She gets out and grabs food from the fridge, leaving her phone on the dining table. As soon as she sits, her phone lights up.

**From: Mina :)**   
**Hey! I miss you! 😭**

Her heart races. She takes another screenshot and sends it to her friends.

**yoojeong: who fucking paid her?**

**hyoster: moving on percentage: back to zero.**

**dubudab: we’re broke how can we even pay her lol**

**yoojeong: bye. i’m gonna talk to her**

**hyoster: whipped**

**dubudab: bottom**

**yoojeong: coming from you, dubu? nah.**

She grabs her fork and opens her messages.

**To: Mina :)**   
**You’re busy :(**

**From: Mina :)**   
**I’m sorry :( but you can message me. I’ll reply**

**To: Mina :)**   
**I don’t wanna be a botheeeer 😌**

**From: Mina :)**   
**But you’re never a bother :(**

Jeongyeon wants to bang her head against the table. She wants to scream. But she can’t so she’ll settle for a smile that can tear her cheeks. Her friends bombarding her with questions about Mina but she ignores everything else. All that matters is that Mina is talking to her. It’s enough for Jeongyeon to forget about the times Mina wasn’t talking to her. It was enough for her. Even if she’s been coughing for weeks now.

~

For some odd reason, Mina disappeared again. Jeongyeon knows that the girl’s busy with law school, she understands. Although there are times when she sees a cute little penguin and she wants to send it to Mina. She doesn’t. She doesn’t want to distract the girl with her responsibilities.

Just as she was about to sleep, a notification lights up her phone.

**chaengtastic: got some merch to be ordered from Empress. Wanna hitch?**

Jeongyeon sits up and looks at the merch list. She remembers that Mina particularly likes the mini coaster that her favorite member endorses. She grins and replies.

**yoojeong: order me one penguin coaster**

**chaengtastic: i thought you liker hamsters?**

**yoojeong: i do. but the penguin comes first**

**chaengtastic: alright. pay when it arrives**

She sighs happily as she imagines how Mina will smile when she sees the penguin coaster she’s been whining about. Mina often complains of being broke because of law school. She knows very well that law school costs a lot of money especially from readings.

Jeongyeon smiled happily, content with how Mina would react. A simple smile will be enough. As long as Mina smiles.

~

Empress is a well known female band. Western band dominating even asian countries. And both Mina and Jeongyeon like Empress. But both of them are also some soft of introvert so when the Empress open event comes, Mina suddenly messages Jeong.

**From: Mina :)**   
**You coming?**

**To: Mina :)**   
**Where?**

**From: Mina :)**   
**Event. Empress.**

**To: Mina :)**   
**No... are you?**

**From: Mina :)**   
**Some friends are inviting me.**

**To: Mina :)**   
**What did you tell them?**

**From: Mina :)**   
**That I’ll ‘try’**

She chuckles at Mina’s response. Like the girl, she doesn’t want to go. She loves Empress but she doesn’t enjoy socializing especially when it’s loud.

**To: Mina :)**   
**Are you going?**   
**Yes? Or yes?**   
**Answer me honestly**

**From: Mina :)**   
**I’m drowning in readings lol**

**To: Mina :)**   
**Good luck with readings. 💛**

Jeongyeon takes it as a no. She feels somehow satisfied that Mina won’t be going, meaning she doesn’t have any reason to feel bad about not going. Because if there is one factor that can make her go, it’s probably seeing Mina and hanging out with her.

Lazying at three in the afternoon, Jeongyeon’s nap is disturbed by a soft vibration from her phone.

**From: Mina :)**   
**I just arrived at the venue. Lots of people are here. Woah.**

She frowns, she thought Mina won’t go.. why is Mina there? She looks at the clock, if she takes a bath and goes to the venue, she’ll be there by the time the people are cleaning up the venue.

**To: Mina :)**   
**Thought you wouldn’t go..**   
**But okay. Enjoy.**

She locks her phone and feels her eyes heat up. She hates feeling like that. She hates feeling like someone doesn’t want to see her. She hates being some sort of unwanted. Which is why she always chooses to stay away from people. To limit her friendship circle into a handful. Because she’s had enough of being left hanging.

No, she doesn’t blame Mina for anything. It’s all on her. If she didn’t fall for the girl, then the matter would be brushed off easily. But that’s not the situation. She’s ran out of words to describe what she’s feelings. She’s amazed by how her emotional pain somehow transformed into physical pain because her chest is literally hurting from trying to stop herself from crying. She doesn’t want to cry. Not for someone who doesn’t even know her feelings.

But at the end of it all, she let’s the tears go. She bites her knuckle and swallows a sob as to prevent her parents from hearing her cry. She wants nothing more than to sleep but then again, sleeping only means that she’ll see Mina in her dreams. And Mina is the last person she wants to see at the moment.

She’s not mad. She’s disappointed. Not at Mina. But at herself. She expected at least a text just before Mina starts the engine of her car. A simple, ‘I’m going’ would be enough for her to prepare and possibly attend the event too. But no, Mina messages her when she arrives at the venue, two hours away from Jeongyeon’s place.

_Fun._

~

Jeongyeon feels like she needs something else. She needs something thrilling in life. And Mina, as much as she hates to admit, is the most thrilling girl she’s ever met. Mina finds herself boring but there’s something about the girl that draws Jeongyeon in. Peculiarly, she’d find women like Bona attractive. Those outgoing and vocal. But Mina? Jeongyeon finds herself thinking of how to draw the secrets out of the girl. She wants to know more. Know everything.

Too bad that they haven’t spoken. Yep. Ever since the event, Jeongyeon stopped herself from messaging the girl. She’s trying her best. But there were times when she’d type and then get reminding that she once felt like Mina didn’t like her around so she deletes and goes on with her life.

Until after a week, Mina messages her.

**From: Mina :)**   
**Am I overthinking or are you mad at me?**

She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. She’s never mad. She’s never been mad. She’s scared to be mad because she knows how she can hurt someone using her words, or worse, physically. Which is why at a young age, Jeongyeon developed super self control over her emotions. Especially negative ones. She won’t let herself slip up. She won’t mess things up. Especially not with Mina.

**To: Mina :)**   
**What makes you think that?**

She bites her lip and waits until the girl replies.

**From: Mina :)**   
**Because since the event, you haven’t messaged me.**

It somehow ticked her off. Jeongyeon locks her phone and runs her fingers through her hair before breathing out a frustrated sigh. Now that she thinks about it, she always messages Mina first. She reaches out first. She always tries first. And then she gets left hanging. Seen. Read. She chuckles bitterly, eyes burning up once again.

“Stupid Jeongyeon,” she utters to herself before she hugs the piece of stuffed hamster her best friend got her.

~

“Do I reply?” she asks Jihyo, a week after just leaving Mina on read. She doesn’t get it, actually. Why does it bother Mina that she doesn’t message? They’ve always been like that. Jeongyeon never complained if in the middle of a conversation, Mina leaves her hanging. Mina didn’t hear a thing from her when she went almost three weeks of not even saying ‘hi’. So why does it matter now?

“Dude, you know exactly what to do. You’re smart, stop making yourself suffer and just do the right thing,” Jihyo tells her, clinking their bottles together. They’re out drinking again. Whenever she feels bad, she goes to Jihyo’s place and ransacks the alcohol fridge.

“Fine,” she grabs her phone as Jihyo escapes to sleep inside her room.

**To: Mina :)**   
**I wasn’t mad. Just a little sad that you didn’t tell me you were going. But it’s okay. Nothing to worry. All good.**

**From: Mina :)**   
**All good but didn’t reply or even say anything for a week lol**

Jeongyeon frowns, not liking how Mina replied.

**To: Mina :)**   
**I needed to calm down. I knew I’d say bad things I will regret if I talked to you at that state.**

**From: Mina :)**   
**So you were mad? Right? You should have told me instead of making me feel anxious the whole week, Jeongyeon.**

**To: Mina :)**   
**SAD. Not mad. They’re different. If I was mad at you and I didn’t care, I would have talked to you and not care if I’d hurt you or not. But I didn’t because I didn’t want you hurt, okay?**

**From: Mina :)**   
**Still, a week? I was suffering from anxiety the whole week!**   
**I don’t get how you’d feel bad about the event, Jeong. It’s not supposed to be toxic like this.**

**To: Mina :)**   
**Fine! I’m sorry for making you feel anxious. I wasn’t mad, okay? It’s chill now, Mina. I’m okay. I’m here.**

Jeongyeon sighs and throws her phone on the throw pillow when Mina leaves her on read again. She grabs another beer bottle and drinks it. She feels like her feelings were invalidated. Worse? She feels like she’s a toxic person. She grips the bottle and wipes her tears. A cough stops her tears from falling. She rushes towards the bathroom and gets the trash bin. The pain from her chest feels like thorns. She cries.

 _You’re not toxic_ , she repeats to herself. _You’re not toxic, Jeong. You’re not._

But Mina sure made her feel like one.

She feels like shit.

Maybe she is shit. Useless. Worthless. Maybe Mina’s right. Maybe she really is toxic.

~

**chaengtastic: where are u? can we meet?**

**yoojeong: sure. where?**

She makes her way to their meeting place as Chaeyoung tells her she’ll order. It’s been a month since Jeongyeon and Mina last talked. So far the longest they haven’t spoken. Even a word. Not even a single text. Jeongyeon is surprised she managed to stay away that long. But being called toxic is not something she’s fond of so maybe that’s the straw for her to just stop whatever it is she wants from the law student.

She sits in front of Chaeyoung. The younger girl pushes an envelope towards her. She slips it inside her bag, “Thanks, Chaeng.”

“You look like shit,” her dongsaeng tells her. She just chuckles and shrugs.

As soon as she returns home, she sits on the small sofa inside her room and pulls out the envelope. She tears the paper bag and pulls out the object inside her. Jeongyeon sobs and lowers her head. Between her fingers, the penguin coaster is placed. Her tears continue to fall as she looks at the intricate penguin lining.

Jeongyeon steps out of the house and goes to the hospital. On the way there, she meets Mina accidentally. Mina did not see her, but she saw Mina fair and square. Mina’s divine features, soft and delicate against the sunlight of the winter afternoon.

She feels her mouth full of it. She runs to the nearest trash can and coughs in it. And then she goes straight to the hospital.

~

“Are you sure, Jeongyeon?” Jihyo asks her. She nods at her best friend before she types again, “She might love you back, you know.”

Jeongyeon shakes her head, “Maybe when I’m dead?”

“Jeong!” her best friend whines. She pats Jihyo’s head and messes her hair.

“She made flowers bloom inside my chest. But that doesn’t mean the thorns didn’t make me bleed,” she explains.

**To: Mina :)**   
**Before everything else ends, I need you to know one one thing. I’ll get straight to the point, I like you. Maybe a little too much than I should but I do. I don’t know when it happened but it just did. So yeah. I’m very sorry for everything, Mina. What saddens me most is that you made me feel like I was a toxic person. You know better than above anything else, I wouldn’t be toxic. Especially to you. I don’t know if you’ll acknowledge this message. But if you don’t please know that I’m not mad. Because I like you too much to even be mad at you. I don’t think I can. If you need a friend, I’ll always be here. If you still think I’m a friend.**

She clicks the send button and gives Jihyo back her phone. She leans back against the hospital bed, her chest heaving as she grips against her hospital gown.

“She replied,” Jihyo says.

Jeongyeon wipes the blood off her lips, “What did she say?”

**From: Mina :)**   
**I’ve been writing and deleting and writing this response. I can’t seem to say anything. But I’m sorry. I’m sorry for unconsciously hurting you. I don’t want you to think that you are nothing to me. You are much more than that. I cherish everything that happened. Especially you. You’re one of my closest friend and I can never forgive myself for causing you pain. And I’m sorry, Jeong.**

After Jihyo reads it out loud, Jeongyeon smiles, coughing out black petals of her birth flower. Before her best friend can even say anything, the doctor comes in.

“You ready, Jeongyeon?” she asks.

Jeongyeon looks at her best friend, “See you when I forget her.” Jihyo cries and hugs her.

“Survive, please,” she begs.

“I’ll try my best,” she chuckles. She gets taken to the operation room. Jeongyeon got diagnosed with a rare disease when she started having feelings for Mina. The more her feelings grew, the more the flowers inside her lungs bloomed.

And Jeongyeon knows about it. She knows it about too well. She knows that with each second she accepts that she loves Mina, she takes one step closer to her possible death. But she couldn't stop herself. Mina's too precious for her for Jeongyeon to stop feeling anything. She just loved loving Mina that she didn't really care much about how bad it is for her. Literally.

She started coughing light purple petals when she first admitted that she has a crush on the girl. When her sister met Mina, the petals turned light red. The day Mina cancelled on her, she coughed crimson petals. By then, Jeongyeon knew that the plant inside her lungs grew thorns already. She can feel it piercing through her insides, making holes.

The next time she coughs petals, it was already deep shade of maroon. It was when Mina went to the event and she felt unwanted. It wasn't Mina's fault but it didn't stop her feelings. It didn't stop the flowers blooming yet killing her.

The day befoe Mina messages her, Jeongyeon goes to the doctor and gets herself checked. It was worst. Her case can only mean two things: death or surgery. Her illness can only be cured if Mina loves her back. Not the no boundaries platonic love. But the romantic love. Jeongyeon sighs at what the doctor tells her. She knew very well the Mina will never return her feelings. Maybe it was her karma for being too harsh on other girls. Maybe Mina is the lesson meant for her to stop playing with other people's feelings.

And damn did she learn.

When Mina and her argued, she coughed out a whole black chrysanthemum. She cried and immediately called her best friend after. Jihyo dropped everything and went to her. Jihyo convinced her to drop her feelings but she didn't say a word. She kept coughing until Jihyo rushed her to the hospital, realizing the gravity of her situation.

Through much talk and consideration, Jihyo managed to convince her to take the operation. At the expense of never remembering Mina Myoui ever again. Which is exactly why Jeongyeon decided to confess. She took the last bit of chance she thought she had. That tiny care she gets from Mina. Because maybe, just maybe, if she tells her, Mina can give it a try.

But of course, she knew better too. So before the operation began, her doctor asks her, "Are you really willing to forget her? You won't be able to love her ever again if we push through."

Jeongyeon thinks about the penguin coaster she bought. The same coaster that is now buried between tons of boxes up in the attic. Her tears falls as she smiles sadly, "That means I won't be able to feel so much love ever again, then." The doctor smiles back at her with deep regret, thinking of how unlucky she is to love someone so much to the point of causing her almost death.

"Let's get those flowers out of you, dear," she whispers, looking at Jeongyeon's sleeping face.

**~~~after a year~~~**

Jeongyeon walks through the snow covered sidewalk, one hand catching snowflakes that melts on her palm. She oddly feels familiar with the cold. She wonders why.

Jihyo's been out of the country for a vacation. Which is exactly why Jeongyeon is alone just before Christmas day. Her family's at home and she somehow feels like she needs to step out of the house and take a walk alone.

She stops by a cafe and feels a strange pull towards it. Trusting her gut, she takes a step across the pedestrian lane and reaches the doorstep of the cafe. Just as she is about to push the door, it opens. A lady with soft yet delicate features stands before her. Brown long hair and reaching just above her chest, wearing a white turtle neck cashmere blouse, dark blue denim jeans, and finished off by a brown long coat. One thing Jeongyeon notices is the pile of papers hugged by the girl. Not to mention three thick books with the words "Constitution", "Criminal Law," and "Human Philosophy" respectively. The other thing that catches her attention is the single white chrysanthemum resting between the girl's fingers.

"Jeongyeon!" the girl greets her with a smile.

Jeongyeon takes a step back, unfamiliar with the girl.

"It's been a while since we met," she feels a pang of pain inside her chest when the girl meets her eyes.

"Uhm.." Jeongyeon smiles sadly and shyly before saying the words, "I'm sorry... Who are you?"

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorryyyyyy. I love y’all. QRT my tweet for your reactions. Thank youuu


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